you know that ghost is me

If you could read my mind, Gordon Lightfoot

raw

Having kind of a raw day, plus this Alice quote makes me feel even more raw.

And if you're "my kinda person", you will instantly see, before your mind's eye, Gary cycling down the snowy road where Hope and Michael live, in episode 76 (Second Look) of my most favorite TV show *ever*, on the way to meet death, with Nancy (who learned that she was clear of cancer on the day Gary dies) reading the above text, which Gary highlighted in a copy of the book, a gift from him to Nancy in the hospital.

Gosh I miss that kind if quality on TV.....very, very few shows come even close to the gem that was "Thirtysomething", IMHO of course.

I think I need to watch a couple of episodes, old and worn as they are, recorded on VHS many moons ago, burned on DVD about 8 years ago, as they still haven't been released on DVD for region 2.

non perfect lives

Sometimes I find it hard to read other people's blogs. You know, the people who never seem to run into any difficulties. I'm pretty sure most people know what type of blog I'm talking about. Even though it was me who put them on my blog list, even though I enjoy reading about their lives most of the time and even though I don't begrudge them all the goodness they meet in their daily lives, I have to take a reading break from time to time. My life has been so messy, uncertain, sad, you name it for a year, I just can't stomach a  life full of roses right now. Hopefully the ability returns, as I'm such a hopeless romantic, usually. But in the meantime I'll have to glance over posts about successful book contracts, built houses, "having to hire" a cleaning person, the difficulty of choosing the right hat for the day etc. Exactly, that type of blog. ;) Should you be one of the about two people who read this blog, you will be happy to hear that I'm now back to trying to put one foot in front of the other without stumbling and falling on my face. There, that should make you feel good and normal. ;)

new work

bird in tree frightens me

dantler

 friends in strange places 3

friends in strange places 4

underwater 1

underwater 2

underwater 3

see that new life?

creatures

friends in strange places 1

 

friends in strange places 2

 

what are you looking at 1

 

what are you looking at 2

 

 

 

not yet

what if...

...I told you that this makes me ridiculously happy?

in the last light

before they left

the silent joy of normality

It looks so normal, and sometimes I just "forget". Until I stand up and start walking, or try to use my left hand and spasticity raises its ugly head. I'm not complaining, I'm still able to be creative and create. And still, I don't wish the experience of a stroke on even my worst enemy.

just blobs

finding fantasy animals in watercolor blobs

so still und so verlogen gingst du fort...

und wo immer du auch gerade bist, du zeigst mir, dass Stille jetzt dein Freund geworden ist

a crumb of normality

trying to get into the groove

to the stroke

...I'm not the same as before you arrived in my life, but you didn't beat me. For a few days after the stroke, I thought I wouldn't make it, but then I decided to fight, to get back as much life as possible. Don't get me wrong, life is much, much harder and way more complicated now, but I'm painting and sewing again, and those activities will help me survive.

first paintings post stroke

Almost four months post stroke, I'm thankful to have some control over my left hand again.Painting would have been very difficult with one hand only, and I don't see how I could have survived without painting and sewing. I can take a lot in terms of handicaps, but living without painting I couldn't have accepted.