wishing you peace

and all the best for 2015

white

car mix

Another one I had to throw away, because I just can't bear to listen to it anymore. About ten years ago a good friend and I put together a "car mix" with some of our favorites. It just hurts too much, brings me down even more.

six months

before I screwed up my life

Tossed the CD yesterday, couldn't bear to listen to the songs anymore.

i don't need no fancy

so this is christmas

up after abandonment

vigil

just watch it

http://www.makers.com/documentary/womenincomedy

so this is it

This is my new "start" (HA!) at 50. A one room apartment, after suffering a stroke at 48 and being abandoned by the "man" (another HA!, not that I am bitter) two years and three months later because of said stroke. But what the hell, after yesterday's quote, I'll consider this new place to be a mansion. Still waiting for my bed to be delivered, that's why you see a glimpse of the inflatable bed (thank you, my dear brother and sister-in-law).

when you go wow, just wow

I found this quote, sitting, as I do these days, alone in my apartment, and just said "Wow!" out loud, to myself. It gives me a lot to think about, maybe it explains why I'm so utterly alone today, as the quote describes practically my whole life, from childhood. I have *always* felt I have to explain myself and prove my worth. So maybe I needed people to walk out on me, or walk away myself.

The moment you feel you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.

-- Alysia Harris

start here

memories

the walking dead - reality

outside matches inside

stille

30 minutes before sunset

surroundings

vienna calling

Long time no write. Much has happened. I'm freshly single, mainly because of the realities of the stroke and me being introverted and hermit like. What can I say, I get energy from being home a lot, being around people wears me totally out and drains all the energy out of me. Even more so since the stroke. So sue me if you can't understand that (and believe me, many, *many* people don't). I'm heartbroken, as I was naive and romantic enough to believe in love yet *again*, even after a divorce in May '12. Live and learn, right? I so desperately hope that I have learned my lesson this time. And no, self pity doesn't live here, just a cold, cold heart.

There's always an upside, right? With the walking/dizziness/fatigue problems (among others, those are just the main ones), I needed to get back to Vienna.........I moved away with husband number 1 13 years ago on December 1. And for 13 years this city girl wanted to get back to the city. Now I had to. Terrific public transportation being the main reason. After searching for 3 weeks, I got lucky. After 3 more weeks, yesterday, my hero-brother showed up with one of his good friends and two big cars, and after 2 trips my belongings were moved. One trip to Ikea yesterday evening, and I have most of what I need for now. Monday is the official move in date, and until then I can stay with my brother and SIL.

And now I'm scared that I won't make it, neither financially nor otherwise. I'll give it a good try though. But I'm scared.....and did I mention cold and heartbroken? No sympathy needed though, seriously. I'm just your basic introverted freak with a *really* good hand at picking and falling in love with the wrong guys. Anyway, that was it for me anyway, being 50, stroke 2 years ago, that doesn't make good "find-a-mate-material".

And here it is, the first Vienna photo.

putting up a fight - again

new series - phobias

Scopophobie / Scoptophobie - Angst, gesehen, betrachtet oder angestarrt zu werden
Scopophobia / Scoptophobia - fear of being seen or stared at
watercolor, ink, colored pencil on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Chronophobie - Angst vor Zeit, Dauer
Chronophobia - fear of time
watercolor, ink on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Autophobie - Angst, alleine u./o. auf sich alleine gestellt zu sein ODER vor sich selbst
Autophobia - fear of being alone OR of oneself
watercolor, ink on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Atychiphobie - Angst, Fehler zu begehen
Atychiphobia - fear of failure
watercolor, ink, colored pencil on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Apeirophobie - Angst vor der Unendlichkeit
Apeirophobia - fear of infinity
watercolor, ink, colored pencil on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Demophobie - Angst vor Menschenmassen und überfüllten Plätzen (auch Agoraphobia)
Demophobia - fear of crowds (also agoraphobia)
watercolor, ink, colored pencil on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Atelophobie - Angst vor Unvollkommenheit
Atelophobia - fear of imperfection
watercolor, ink on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Agoraphobie - Angst vor (räumlich) weiten Plätzen/Platzangst ODER einen sicheren Platz zu verlassen
Agoraphobia - fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets OR of leaving a safe place
watercolor, ink, colored pencil on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Peniaphobie - Angst vor Armut
Peniaphobia - fear of poverty
watercolor, ink on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Soteriophobie - Angst, von anderen abhängig zu sein
Soteriophobia - fear of dependence on others
watercolor, ink, colored pencil on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Glossophobie - Angst, in der Öffentlichkeit / vor Leuten zu sprechen
Glossophobia - fear of speaking in public OR of trying to speak
watercolor, ink on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Eremophobie - Angst alleine/auf sich selbst gestellt zu sein
Eremophobia - fear of being oneself OR of loneliness
watercolor, ink on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Enissophobie / Enosiophobie - Angst, eine unverzeihliche Sünde begangen zu haben ODER Angst vor Kritik
Enissophobia / Enosiophobia - fear of having committed an unpardonable sin OR of criticism
watercolor, ink on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

Testophobie - alle Arten von Prüfungsangst
Testophobia - fear of taking tests
watercolor, ink on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

new little paintings

1014-01
watercolor, ink, colored pencil on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

1014-02
water media on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

1014-03
watercolor, ink, graphite on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

1014-04
watercolor, ink, graphite on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

1014-05
watercolor, ink, colored pencil on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

1014-06
watercolor, ink, colored pencil on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

1014-07
watercolor, ink, colored pencil on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

1014-08
watercolor, ink, colored pencil on 300 g/140 lbs watercolor paper, ~ 10 x 15 cm / 4,5 x 6"

29 faces - the overflow

I have been drawing a lot this month (many more than 29) thanks to the 29 faces challenge by Ayala Art. Here are all the extra faces, gathered over the last month. I participated for the first - and had a really great time. Also, I saw a lot of great drawings and paintings done by other participants.